I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Houston, we have a blender
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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