my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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