So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
