you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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