1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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