i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
no you cant smoke seaweed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
