Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
