who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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