The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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