I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize