She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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