I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
