____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
My balls are so social today.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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