His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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