i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
