Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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