the condom got lost in my hair
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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