So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
