epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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