i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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