His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
