I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
