Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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