I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
