Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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