Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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