This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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