i love accidental penises.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
