dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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