His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
