so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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