dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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