I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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