No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
All I want is dick and wine.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
