my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
