every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
