so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
