Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Is it penis luge time yet?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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