i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
