The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
