Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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