Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
