But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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