Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
