why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Everclear isn't food dammit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
