I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
