I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
