she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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