We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
