u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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