gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
