dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
