The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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