That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
