I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize