It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
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I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
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