SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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