i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.