Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!