If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.