from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
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some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
21 Family Members Confess The Creepiest Things They Know About a Relative
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.