if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes