he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
