I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
vagina is talking i cant
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
