Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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