Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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